Welcome Home. 

These are the first words spoken to me by my pastors wife this morning. Two of the simplest words that carry so much weight. 

Welcome home. Let that sink in for a moment. 

Or, “I’m glad you always find your way back home.”, spoken to me by a wonderful friend that never fails to let me know that she’s thinking of me and praying for me and how excited she is to watch my journey unfold. 

Man. How refreshing. How healing. Papa God knew, and always knows, just what we need and exactly when we need it. 

You see, eight months ago I set out on a journey, after much prayer and confirmation, to move five and a half hours from home, from everything I’ve ever known and people that I love with all my heart. I left my mom, friends and family as well as a job that had been provision for more than 15 years. 

I went out into the wilderness not knowing what to expect. I felt Papa calling me out onto the waves, to walk on water with Him. “But God...”. Every time I felt myself saying this I could feel Him quicken within me, “Just trust Me, daughter.” 

Who does God think He is asking me to just trust Him? I left my home and everything and everyone else behind for crying out loud! You would think He knows that I trust Him for me to do that. No matter that it took weeks of prayer and confirmation after confirmation, right? Still... He calls out to me to simply trust Him and what He’s doing in and through me. 

You see, there are things (lots of things actually) that are going on “behind the scenes” that we know nothing about. When that door that we really want to open that we think will be the key to our peace, joy, happiness, breakthrough, healing, etc doesn’t open? Papa God knows what lies beyond that door. If it doesn’t open, it’s because He has an even better one for us just up the road. 

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I haven’t really updated you guys on my journey these past few months.  Multiple notes have been started to give you an update and never completed due to time or being busy. 

So here is my update.

I moved to Florida September 29th of 2018 to begin a new job and assist with sound/worship at a church that I felt God was leading me. I can honestly say that these last 8 months have been filled with joy and happiness. I have met some wonderful people along the way. But, it has also been filled with more anxiety and strife than I ever could have imagined. Moving to a new area not knowing anyone really besides the few people that I had met at church and of course some great friends that moved down ahead of me is tough. 

The first couple of months in Florida were literal hell for me. I was sick for days on end. Nerves and anxiety getting the best of me, causing me to lose almost 20 pounds. The pressures of being homesick and starting a new job in an area I knew nothing about were so great that I honestly wanted to turn tail and run. 

Things finally evened out and were great for a bit. Oh the friendships and adventures!

Then, something shifted along the way and it no longer felt like this is where God is calling me to be. 

I won’t go into detail because most of it isn’t my story to tell anyway. The last couple months brought on so much anxiety that I literally woke up every day feeling like I was going to either have a panic attack or a mental breakdown. The stress was so much that my stomach was constantly in knots and my chest was so tight I couldn’t get a full breath. 

People that I had joined arms with were/are no longer there for me. They said they loved me and then when I was no longer a part of their “group”? They dropped me like I was never even there to begin with. 

I loved these people dearly and just thinking about how I may lose friends if I stepped down and away also resulted in great levels of anxiety. 

I’m not writing this for anyone to feel sorry for me or judge me. I’m writing this to say it’s ok. At some point in our lives we all struggle with fear and anxiety. The question is, what are we doing about it? 

The Word tells us to, “Pour out all your worries and stress upon him and leave them there, for he always tenderly cares for you.” 1 Peter‬ ‭5:7‬ ‭TPT‬‬

That’s a lot easier said than done, right? It’s something that I have struggled with all my life. 

I’ve had people tell me that they admire my strength and faith, that they wish they were as strong and full of faith as me. I just smile and say thank you, but on the inside? I’m thinking how could anyone ever want to be like me? If you guys only knew the internal struggles I face on a daily basis... 

We don’t have to feel or even be strong. 

“...Do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

‭‭NEHEMIAH‬ ‭8:10‬ ‭NASB‬‬

“Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." ‭‭ISAIAH‬ ‭41:10‬ ‭NASB‬‬

These battles that we face? They’re not ours to fight anyway. 

Over and over in His Word, Papa God tells us that He is our advocate and He will fight our battles.

Whether it’s in the mind: 

“Whenever my busy thoughts were out of control, the soothing comfort of your presence calmed me down and overwhelmed me with delight.” 

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭94:19‬ TPT

Or spiritual:

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.”

‭‭EPHESIANS‬ ‭6:12‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Papa says that He will fight our battles for us. 

“...thus says the LORD to you, ‘Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God’s.‭‭” 2 CHRONICLES‬ ‭20:15‬ ‭NASB

“The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭14:14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I know this has been longer than usual guys but it’s been on my heart for awhile and I’ve finally been able to get it down in writing. I leave you with this:

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, and HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, and having shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.”

‭‭EPHESIANS‬ ‭6:10-16‬ ‭NASB‬‬

“Feels like coming home for the first time in a long time.” Very fitting that the worship team ended service with this. Papa God is saying to me today, and to you as well, “Welcome home.” 

Be blessed guys! Love you!