Who Told You That?

I had a new friend not too long ago that was very adamant about pulling me out of the negative way of thinking I had/have about myself and how others see me. Preconceived notions and thoughts I automatically assume are meant for evil towards me. 

When I would get into a funk she would ask me one question. “Who told you that?” This of course automatically makes you (or it did me anyway) dive deep within yourself to figure out just who told you these things. Nine times out of ten? They are things made up in my head because of all the lies I’ve believed about myself over the years. Sure, I’ve been bullied, lied to and abused (not physically) by people I loved and thought loved me. But if we don’t take every thought captive, asking, “who told me that?” Or even “where is this coming from?” Then we will live a life bound up in chains. 

I know this is sound advice from a great friend because while reading “It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way” by Lysa Terkeurst she highlights Genesis 3:11 which says, “Who told you that you were naked?”. Ultimately, God is the one asking me, “Who told you that you were ugly and no one wants you?” “Where is this thought pattern coming from, beloved?” “Are those things that I’ve spoken over you or are they lies of the enemy to keep you bound up? There is freedom available to you right now.” 

Lysa goes on to say, “Who told you that you were naked? Who told you that you are anything less than a most glorious creation of the Almighty God? Who spoke words over you and about you that stripped you bare and broke your heart? Whatever statement was spoken to you that came against the truth must be called a lie! God’s word is the Truth. And His Truth says you are a holy and dearly loved child of your Heavenly Father. You are wonderfully made. You are a treasure. You are beautiful. You are fully known by Him and lavishly loved by Him. You are chosen. You are special. You are set apart. No matter what you’ve done or what’s been done to you, these words of God are true about you. May we carefully choose what we remember and what we forget.” 

Like Lysa also says, “I’m so quick to remember others’ hurtful words but slow to remember God’s healing words.”  Why is it so easy to believe all the negative? We have to train ourselves to believe the good. 

“We must set our minds on things above by choosing to remember God’s words, repeat God’s words, and believe God’s words about us. We must let God’s Word become the words we park our minds and hearts on. We must let God’s Word become the words we believe and receive as truth. We must let God’s Word become the words of our story.” 

Colossians 3:2 says, “Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.”  We (I) must choose on a daily basis to set our minds on things above. 

The Word also says, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” ROMANS‬ ‭12:2‬ ‭NASB‬‬   

This is also a daily thing that we must do. We have to die to ourselves each and every day  and get rid of our old patterns of thinking/acting. First and foremost we are hurting ourselves if we don’t. It’s so easy to stay trapped in what people have said and done to us. If we don’t let go of that and walk in forgiveness it will follow us through every relationship we have. It may not show up for awhile, but believe me, it will definitely rear it’s ugly head. It will cause us to “bleed” all over the very ones that did not “cut” us and we will wind up pushing the ones we love away. Not everyone is “out to get” me. Or you. 

I’m going to leave you guys with the following pic, which is a prayer that Lysa left at the end of chapter 4 in “It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way”. It was a much needed prayer for me and I know it will be for someone else who reads this as well. As always, these are just some thoughts that I’m pondering and if I struggle with it I know there are others that do as well. Hopefully I’m able to be an encouragement to you guys as Papa God works on peeling back the layers of my heart. Love you! 

Welcome Home. 

These are the first words spoken to me by my pastors wife this morning. Two of the simplest words that carry so much weight. 

Welcome home. Let that sink in for a moment. 

Or, “I’m glad you always find your way back home.”, spoken to me by a wonderful friend that never fails to let me know that she’s thinking of me and praying for me and how excited she is to watch my journey unfold. 

Man. How refreshing. How healing. Papa God knew, and always knows, just what we need and exactly when we need it. 

You see, eight months ago I set out on a journey, after much prayer and confirmation, to move five and a half hours from home, from everything I’ve ever known and people that I love with all my heart. I left my mom, friends and family as well as a job that had been provision for more than 15 years. 

I went out into the wilderness not knowing what to expect. I felt Papa calling me out onto the waves, to walk on water with Him. “But God...”. Every time I felt myself saying this I could feel Him quicken within me, “Just trust Me, daughter.” 

Who does God think He is asking me to just trust Him? I left my home and everything and everyone else behind for crying out loud! You would think He knows that I trust Him for me to do that. No matter that it took weeks of prayer and confirmation after confirmation, right? Still... He calls out to me to simply trust Him and what He’s doing in and through me. 

You see, there are things (lots of things actually) that are going on “behind the scenes” that we know nothing about. When that door that we really want to open that we think will be the key to our peace, joy, happiness, breakthrough, healing, etc doesn’t open? Papa God knows what lies beyond that door. If it doesn’t open, it’s because He has an even better one for us just up the road. 

____________________________________________________________________________

I haven’t really updated you guys on my journey these past few months.  Multiple notes have been started to give you an update and never completed due to time or being busy. 

So here is my update.

I moved to Florida September 29th of 2018 to begin a new job and assist with sound/worship at a church that I felt God was leading me. I can honestly say that these last 8 months have been filled with joy and happiness. I have met some wonderful people along the way. But, it has also been filled with more anxiety and strife than I ever could have imagined. Moving to a new area not knowing anyone really besides the few people that I had met at church and of course some great friends that moved down ahead of me is tough. 

The first couple of months in Florida were literal hell for me. I was sick for days on end. Nerves and anxiety getting the best of me, causing me to lose almost 20 pounds. The pressures of being homesick and starting a new job in an area I knew nothing about were so great that I honestly wanted to turn tail and run. 

Things finally evened out and were great for a bit. Oh the friendships and adventures!

Then, something shifted along the way and it no longer felt like this is where God is calling me to be. 

I won’t go into detail because most of it isn’t my story to tell anyway. The last couple months brought on so much anxiety that I literally woke up every day feeling like I was going to either have a panic attack or a mental breakdown. The stress was so much that my stomach was constantly in knots and my chest was so tight I couldn’t get a full breath. 

People that I had joined arms with were/are no longer there for me. They said they loved me and then when I was no longer a part of their “group”? They dropped me like I was never even there to begin with. 

I loved these people dearly and just thinking about how I may lose friends if I stepped down and away also resulted in great levels of anxiety. 

I’m not writing this for anyone to feel sorry for me or judge me. I’m writing this to say it’s ok. At some point in our lives we all struggle with fear and anxiety. The question is, what are we doing about it? 

The Word tells us to, “Pour out all your worries and stress upon him and leave them there, for he always tenderly cares for you.” 1 Peter‬ ‭5:7‬ ‭TPT‬‬

That’s a lot easier said than done, right? It’s something that I have struggled with all my life. 

I’ve had people tell me that they admire my strength and faith, that they wish they were as strong and full of faith as me. I just smile and say thank you, but on the inside? I’m thinking how could anyone ever want to be like me? If you guys only knew the internal struggles I face on a daily basis... 

We don’t have to feel or even be strong. 

“...Do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

‭‭NEHEMIAH‬ ‭8:10‬ ‭NASB‬‬

“Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." ‭‭ISAIAH‬ ‭41:10‬ ‭NASB‬‬

These battles that we face? They’re not ours to fight anyway. 

Over and over in His Word, Papa God tells us that He is our advocate and He will fight our battles.

Whether it’s in the mind: 

“Whenever my busy thoughts were out of control, the soothing comfort of your presence calmed me down and overwhelmed me with delight.” 

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭94:19‬ TPT

Or spiritual:

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.”

‭‭EPHESIANS‬ ‭6:12‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Papa says that He will fight our battles for us. 

“...thus says the LORD to you, ‘Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God’s.‭‭” 2 CHRONICLES‬ ‭20:15‬ ‭NASB

“The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭14:14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I know this has been longer than usual guys but it’s been on my heart for awhile and I’ve finally been able to get it down in writing. I leave you with this:

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, and HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, and having shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.”

‭‭EPHESIANS‬ ‭6:10-16‬ ‭NASB‬‬

“Feels like coming home for the first time in a long time.” Very fitting that the worship team ended service with this. Papa God is saying to me today, and to you as well, “Welcome home.” 

Be blessed guys! Love you! 

Dear Fear - We're Breaking Up

 (Disclaimer: This is a post from April 21, 2015 that I just realized was never published here.  Going back and reading it made me realize what a jewel it was. Hope y'all enjoy it!)

The majority of my life I have lived in, made decisions from and cowered in fear.  Sure, there have been brave moments, times where some would have dropped everything and ran in the opposite direction as fast as they could.  For the most part though, fear has driven every aspect of my life. 

I say that enough is enough.  I’m so sick and tired of worrying about if people like me, approve of me or think I am fat or ugly, wondering if I am good enough for God to use.  I’m also sick of living life every day stuck in the same rut - get up, go to work, go to church on the days we have services and go home to go to bed and get up and do it all over again.  Where is the adventure in that?!  Has God called us to this mundane life?  I don't think so. 

A friend and I were talking earlier about life - my life to be exact.  I told her that I have been praying for the last 5-6 years specifically asking God what He wanted me to do next and I feel like I’m on some waiting list (okay so I didn’t word it exactly like that, it just fits now…) that maybe He’s forgotten.  Don’t we all feel this way at some point?  We get restless and frustrated waiting on God to do what we know He is going to do.  God’s timing is perfect, we need only be still (have patience even when we don’t feel like we have much more to go on) and trust Him to take care of us. 

This same friend said something very profound to me.  (I have actually heard it many times, but the story that follows is a pretty awesome revelation/illustration.)  She told me that I am afraid to step out of my comfort zone, I may stick my big toe out for a minute but that’s all that I am willing to stick out there.  (She thinks she knows me or something…) 

Recently, she went on a trip to Las Vegas.  While she was there she jumped off of an 855 foot building because she’s an adrenaline junkie (she also has a bucket list) and quite honestly, sometimes, I think she is just plain crazy, lol!  She told me that she was pretty sure had I been there with her, she could have talked me into doing it too.  See? I told y’all she was crazy….  The hardest part of doing this jump was having the courage to take that step, to leap off of the building, trusting that the safety precautions the staff took was going to bring her safely to the ground.  Once she took the plunge, it was nowhere near as bad as she thought it may be.  Matter of fact, she said that she didn’t fall at a very fast pace at all.  So that thing that she had began to work herself up over? It wasn’t that bad after all…  Quite fun to be exact!

That's how it is with faith though, right?  We stand teetering on the edge of something so amazing yet we don't see it because we can't make ourselves take that one small step, to plunge into possibly the greatest move of God we have ever seen.  One small step could lead you into your destiny.  One act of courageous faith in the place of fear could lead you to your future spouse, a new job, a new town, anything really.  So why are we so afraid to stick more than our big toe out there?  I'm still fighting with myself on this one but I do know that there's nothing my Daddy and I can’t handle together. 

Until next time...

Blessings and favor to all of you! 

 
P.S. I read a blog post from a friend of mine last night that is ultimately dealing with the same thing right now - fear - and I thought I would share some of her thoughts with you because they hit home with me. 

"Ultimately, we discussed fear, and how fear doesn’t exist of God.  Fear exists because of man. We create the fear that lives within us, and our fear limits God.  Most of the time fear is fueled by our own comfort.  Initially, I think of comfort as physical things.  Maybe we are afraid to give up the physical things that make our life comfortable. However, the more I contemplated how I was limiting God the more I saw my insecurities.”  - Lana Rogers

My Take On 13 Reasons Why

I've heard so much about the Netflix Original Series, 13 Reasons Why.  Both good and bad, so I thought I would watch it for myself and see what all the hype was about.  (Disclaimer: I normally wouldn't watch anything past the first f-bomb, but I chose to see what the underlying meaning was and trudged on through all 13 episodes.)

The main character here, Hannah Baker, proceeds to record her '13 reasons why' she felt the need to kill herself. Each tape has a new subject, what they did, how it made her feel and pretty much what they should have done differently (from an outsiders point of view anyway). What it boiled down to ultimately was bullying.  There was only one person in the whole series that wasn't necessarily on the tapes for anything bad he had done, it was because he was afraid to love her and she felt that he was too good for her. 

A friend and I were discussing the series earlier and we both came to the conclusion that there really wasn't a lot of what was said or done that Hannah couldn't have let roll off her back had she been strong enough to do so.  One major instance that would mess anyone up, was Hannah seeing her friend get raped and then later in the series getting raped herself by the same guy. Being raped breaks something inside of you, part of your soul even. I've never been raped, but I've had my share of guys trying to take advantage of me and being forceful when I've said no, then get mad when they realized that I was serious so I can somewhat imagine the agony they went through.


Me saying that Hannah could have let some things roll off her back is in no way saying what those kids said and did to her was okay. Bullying is never okay, I don't care who you are. You are not being cute or funny.

I have been the victim one too many times myself over the years. I can tell you that your words and actions can literally tear someone down to nothing. My parents split/divorced when I was 7/8 years old. That automatically made me an outsider at school because there really weren't a lot of kids around my age that had experienced that yet. I lived out in the country, about 10 miles or so, with very few people around so I didn't really have a lot of kids to play with either. 

Softball became an outlet for me. Many people helped out by picking me up at my moms work and taking me to practices and games, but there were times that no one wanted to help out with me. My grandfather would wind up being the person to take me to and from tournaments, games or practices because no one else would. Maybe I took some of that wrong back then because I was young and didn't understand, but it didn't stop the hurt. (Side note: my mom worked a couple jobs at the time to ensure that I had what I needed and was there when she could be, but sometimes she had to work late and had to depend on someone else to help with me.)

Fast forward to middle and high school. Certain boys began calling me "Manna" and "Wildebeast", telling me how ugly and fat I was. I've even had a guy spit in my face before because I sat down (not knowing) somewhere that he was going to sit. 

Anyway, enough of my story for now. I could go on for awhile about it but it's time to get to the "meat" of why I felt compelled to write this blog. 

Proverbs 18:21 tells us that , "Life and death are in the power of the tongue.." and Matthew 12:36-37 says, "But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." These are some pretty powerful words y'all. Our words can be the difference between someone committing suicide or saying, "Maybe someone does care" and living to see another day. 

I'm no saint. Especially when I was younger. I've made fun of people and said hurtful things to them that could have very well broken them. Thank God for spiritual maturity and a God that loves us enough to allow us to feel convicted and be able to pray and repent, right?

I've said all of that to say this: please, watch your words and how you treat people. You never know what they are already going through and how what you say or do will affect them. Do you want to be responsible for pushing them over the edge? You may say that words are just that, words. But as stated in the above Bible verse,  we are going to give account for EVERY idle word we have spoken and if our words caused someone to commit suicide, how do you think our heavenly Father is going to feel about that? We certainly won't be adding a jewel in our crowns for those words or deeds.

No, I don't think that bullying is the only reason people choose to end their lives.  There are some things that are just too much to handle for them, things they carry for years and can't get past. Things like the death of a loved one - child, spouse, close friend, etc. Divorce, cheating, lying - honestly, the list could go on.

One of the biggest things that I myself have struggled with goes along with the subject throughout this blog. The enemy uses idle words and thoughts against us. "I felt like no one wanted me around" is a big one he has a field day with on me. "See? No one wants you anyway. Why don't you just get up to at least 100mph and veer off the road? I'll handle the rest. It will be fast and easy and you won't ever have to feel that way again." Man. How many times has he used that one against me? It used to be quite often honestly. I never had the nerve to attempt it though, thank God. One day I came across this scripture: "For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ," 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 and "Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither life nor death, nor powers, nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39. Know what I realized? I didn't have to listen when satan went to whispering in my ear that I wasn't good enough or I wasn't wanted, amid other things. I now had the power to use Jesus' own words on him and tell him to "Get behind me". 

If you're struggling with suicidal thoughts, bullying or anything along those lines, know this - I'm praying for you and I care if you are here. Please don't hesitate to contact me if you need someone to talk to. I'm in your corner. I know this has been a rather lengthy post and if you have made it this far - thank you for hanging in there. Love you all!

Anna

What's In A Name?

What’s In A Name?

A lot actually.

My name is Anna Marie Carpenter.  

Anna is a Latinate variant of the French “Anne”, a cognate of the Hebrew Hannah which means “gracious”, “full of grace”.  The Biblical name of Anna refers to the Prophetess (mentioned in the Gospel of Luke 2:36-38).  

Marie, ultimately means “bitter”…  So according to my name, I’m gracefully bitter.. Yay! (Ok, there may have been a slight sense of sarcasm here.)  

Carpenter means essentially what you think it means, “worker or fixer of wood”, “builder of wood”.

I’m 31 years old.  I have had plenty of “grace” and “bitterness” in my life over the years.  Probably more bitterness than grace on some occasions (insert shocked gasp here, after all, I am a child of God and shouldn’t be talking like this!)  I could use the excuse that “I’m human”, "it happens", but that’s just that it, isn’t it?  An excuse.  

I’ve known for a pretty good while what my name means and yet, I still catch myself walking in bitterness and unforgiveness from time to time.  I very well could have chosen to walk in grace instead of bitterness but let’s face it - we don’t always want to be the first to apologize, admit we were wrong or, for heaven’s sake, forgive!  

Sometimes we have to forgive people for things that they have no clue they have done to us, so that bitterness doesn’t stand a chance at setting up camp in our lives.  I won’t go into great detail now, maybe another time, but essentially there was a person that I thought I had forgiven that I found out real quick that I hadn’t.  Who is the one that has been hurting for the last several years over what this individual said?  Certainly not them.  They probably never gave it a second thought to be honest.  That is between them and our Heavenly Father.  I prayed, again, and forgave them, again.  I don’t think it’s so much about the forgiveness part now as it is moving past the hurt that it caused.  Lord, I ask You to come and heal my heart so that even if I were to think about the situation again, the hurt won’t be there anymore.

Moving along to the meaning of Carpenter.  I could probably build something with wood if I set my mind to it, but no, it is definitely not a strong suit, lol!  Instead, I’m going to speak to the spiritual side of it.  I am a very loving, caring individual.  I get great pleasure out of serving others (worker).  I love to watch people and see what makes them tick so to speak.  Listening to others is a strong suit.  Matter of fact, I have absolute strangers sometimes disclose things to me, and afterward, they are like, “I can’t believe I just told you that, I don’t even know you”.  I love to listen to people and try to help them, give them advice or at least pray for them if I can’t come up with something spiritual to say.  No, it hasn’t always been that way.  I have liked to “fix” people in the past and rather than being spiritual, ran them off with how I think they should handle the situation and getting frustrated because, "I’m on the outside looking in, and I can see more clearly than they.”

So, what’s in a name?  As we have already stated, a lot.  Your name can very well steer the course of your life if you let it.  Good or bad.  Throughout the Word, we see many examples of this.  

Take Jacob for instance.  In Genesis 25:26 NLT we see why he is referred to as the ‘heel grabber’.  “Then the other twin was born with his hand grasping Esau’s heel.  So they named him Jacob.”  "Bruising the heel" or "grabbing by the heel" could be related. It is an attempt to interfere with another, to impede their progress or purpose, perhaps to catch up with them, ultimately perhaps to take their place or supplant.  Because of Jacob's grabbing his brother's heel, he received his name and until his character was changed he lived up to the role his action suggested.  

Genesis 32:26-28 NLT tells us of a turnaround though.  26"Then the man said, “Let me go, for the dawn is breaking!”  But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”  27"What is your name?” the man asked.  He replied, “Jacob.”  28“Your name will no longer be Jacob,” the man told him.  “From now on you will be called Israel, because you have fought with God and with men and have won.”  Sometimes we have to fight battles against men (ourselves) and God so to speak to get to where we need to be.  No, I’m not talking about physical battles.  The Word tells us, “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh.  For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,..”  2 Corinthians 10:3-5 NKJV

What price are you (talking to myself here, but you can apply it to your life as well if this has hit home with you) willing to pay (how much time and effort are you REALLY willing to put forth, i.e. prayer/quiet time) to “change your name”, or your character/reputation?  Do you want to be known as “graceful” or “bitter”?  If God will change Jacob’s name (character, future, legacy and so forth), He is certainly able to do the same for you and me.

I’m striving daily to be more graceful than bitter.  I’m not perfect, so I still mess up.  If you have taken the time to read this, I pray it will be a blessing to you and I pray that you would discover your God-given name (meaning purpose here) if you’re not already walking in it.  God bless and keep you always!

Anna Marie

Forgiveness. It Frees The Soul

I found this jewel in my notes and realized that I had never posted it.  It's a great reminder for myself - hopefully it will help you as well! God Bless! 

This week, I have finally done something that I've always said I would do and wanted to do, but never really made the time to do so.  I've made a prayer closet, a sanctuary so to speak.  Don't get me wrong, I've had my encounters with God in various places.  When I was seeking Him for answers on something that I really needed to hear from Him on, or driving down the road, taking that time to pray instead of letting my mind run 100mph.  But I have allowed myself to become so busy that I haven't had time for my Papa.  That can be dangerous.  And we wonder why we never "hear from God"...  I say "we" here because, honestly, who hasn't allowed themselves to let life get in the way?  We all mean well, right..? 

Anyway, I went into my prayer closet with the intention of worshiping my Father, reading His word, and praying for direction.  I did all of these things, but I came to a standstill on how to pray for direction.  I literally could not bring myself to pray that way.  So, I began to repent and ask forgiveness of things that I may have said or done that I couldn't remember, and of course repenting of those things that I knew I had done.  I asked God to bring to light anything in my life that I had kept hidden, thinking that I had dealt with it or just brushed it under the rug.  

He has been showing me people all week that I needed to forgive, and I have done so.  There has been a couple of instances where I would receive random texts or something of that nature from people that I knew I had forgiven.  Quite honestly, the one earlier in the week threw me for a loop.  I was like, "I KNOW I have dealt with this situation.  What's going on?  I am NOT going back there..."  At the time, all I knew to do was go back through the situation and forgive the person, and myself, again.  

As I was cutting grass today, praying, forgiving people that Holy Spirit revealed to me, another "blast from the past" hit me.  Holy Spirit reminded me of some scriptures that I have read this week: 

"Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,' when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye." (Luke 6:41, 42 NASB)

"But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." (Luke 6:27, 28 NASB)

It's like a light bulb went off in my head.  Forgiveness isn't just about forgiving the person(s) that wronged you, you have to pray for them too.  Not just pray for them, but bless them. Pray for prosperity and favor, good health, healthy relationships, and all those good things.  If we can't pray for the people that have done us wrong, and do it with love and compassion, honestly, we need to start over at step one - forgiveness. 

The scripture tells us to "forgive so that we may be forgiven". 

I was talking with a friend of mine at the end of the week and I told her that I don't feel like I've gotten anywhere at all in my quiet times with Papa this week.  I was somewhat frustrated that I didn't have any more direction than what I started with on Sunday.  Sure, I heard from God through His Word, but that wasn't all I was looking for.  She was able to point out to me what's been going on.  I had prayed to be rid of anything that would hinder His presence, and that's just what He was doing. Revealing those things that I needed to get rid of...

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Papa, I praise You for what You are doing in and through me.  Thank You for revealing to me those things that I need to pray through and bring into the light.  Thank You for this newfound hunger for Your word and for speaking to me through it.  Thank You for loving me enough not to give up on me. Twelve years is a long time to be saved and just now reaching the maturity level that I'm getting to, but, hallelujah!, You have brought me this far!  I love You so much Abba, and I can't stop thanking You for Who You are.  God, I pray for those that will read this.  I ask You to give them a fresh hunger, a new passion for Your Word and Your presence.  I bless them with good health, prosperity, wisdom and understanding, love and compassion, healthy relationships and that they may be highly favored in the name of Jesus! As always, love You so much! 

Love, 

Your little girl

Who Do You Think You Are?

Who do you think you are? 

This question zoomed around in my thoughts, as it often does, this past Thursday after I received "that" fateful text message.  "I was HOPING you might be interested and available to come speak to them (an up and coming youth group) a little." 

"Who do you think you are?" "You're going to accept that invite after what you said, that word you used, last Saturday?!" "You really think He's going to use you after the language you expressed?"  (Here is where I pause in my thoughts to say, I totally do not condone using any words that are corrupt, no matter how angry you may be.  That is just an excuse to say things that aren't pleasing to God.  The word says "Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God's favor) to those who hear it." (Ephesians 4:29 AMP)) 

And then there were thoughts of, "Oh my, you can't come up with anything to say to them, you haven't been in the word as much as Chris and Candace have."  "You're going to look like a fool!"  "You're not perfect!"  Honestly? None of us are.  Time and again throughout the Word and history, God uses imperfect people.  

Take the story of Moses, who was raised up in the palace as the grandson of the Pharaoh.  He went out one day and saw one of the Egyptians beating one of his own people (the Hebrews) and when no one was looking, killed the Egyptian and hid his body.  As he went out the next day, he saw two Hebrew men fighting and asked them who started the fight.  They replied by asking him, "Who made you our ruler and judge?  Are you going to kill us as you did the Egyptian?"  He was afraid and fled to another land, where he met his wife.  Eventually, an Angel of the Lord appeared to him in a flame of fire in the middle of a bush and spoke to him, "Come now, therefore, and I will send you to Pharaoh that you may bring My people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt."  "But Moses said to God, who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?"  "So He said, 'I will certainly be with you.'.."  (This story can be found in Exodus). 

Even Moses doubted his ability to be used by God, doubted his Father and questioned him, "Who am I that you would use me?", after all he had done.  He killed a man, hid the body and fled the scene (so as not to be killed himself).  Yet, God still used him to set his people free from bondage. (There are countless other stories in the Bible where God used people that our society would deem as unusable, trash, unworthy and so forth.) 

The only perfect person our Father used was Jesus.  So why do we think we have to be perfect to be used by Him?  What's really holding us back from doing what He told us to do?  Could it be like Moses, fear of what man could do to us, especially after something we have done in our past?

"So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [I will not fear or dread or be terrified]. What can man do to me?" (Hebrews 13:6 AMP).  

The word says, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control." (2 Timothy 1:7 AMP).  So when God calls us to do something, He's already equipped us with the power, love and sound mind to accomplish that work.  The word also says, "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6 NASB). So He will not leave us hanging.  He will complete that work that He started in us.  

If you have doubt and fear rise up, go back to Isaiah 41:10 "'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.' (Isaiah 41:10 NASB).  And do like Psalm 121:1-2 says and "Lift up your eyes to the hills" because this is where our help comes from - the Lord, who made heaven and earth.  

Spend some time in the word today, some alone time with your Father and find out exactly who you are and what you are capable of.  "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear..." (1 John 4:18a). His love will dispel all fear and will equip you to do what He has called you to do. 

Papa God, 

I repent and ask You to forgive me of my sins, the fear that almost consumed me and made me say no to this assignment You have set before me.  I prayed for You to use me and I meant it.  I thank You for this opportunity Daddy, and I ask You to take control - give me the words to say and help me not to hesitate to speak them.  Thank You for equipping me and steadying me now in Jesus' name.  Thank You that You have not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.  I choose to walk in that this day.  Thank You for using imperfect people Daddy.  Thank You for speaking through me, teaching me and loving me.  Holy Spirit, I give You permission to use me, to speak through me now and every day. 

Love always, 

Your Little Girl