This question zoomed around in my thoughts, as it often does, this past Thursday after I received "that" fateful text message. "I was HOPING you might be interested and available to come speak to them (an up and coming youth group) a little."
"Who do you think you are?" "You're going to accept that invite after what you said, that word you used, last Saturday?!" "You really think He's going to use you after the language you expressed?" (Here is where I pause in my thoughts to say, I totally do not condone using any words that are corrupt, no matter how angry you may be. That is just an excuse to say things that aren't pleasing to God. The word says "Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God's favor) to those who hear it." (Ephesians 4:29 AMP))
And then there were thoughts of, "Oh my, you can't come up with anything to say to them, you haven't been in the word as much as Chris and Candace have." "You're going to look like a fool!" "You're not perfect!" Honestly? None of us are. Time and again throughout the Word and history, God uses imperfect people.
Take the story of Moses, who was raised up in the palace as the grandson of the Pharaoh. He went out one day and saw one of the Egyptians beating one of his own people (the Hebrews) and when no one was looking, killed the Egyptian and hid his body. As he went out the next day, he saw two Hebrew men fighting and asked them who started the fight. They replied by asking him, "Who made you our ruler and judge? Are you going to kill us as you did the Egyptian?" He was afraid and fled to another land, where he met his wife. Eventually, an Angel of the Lord appeared to him in a flame of fire in the middle of a bush and spoke to him, "Come now, therefore, and I will send you to Pharaoh that you may bring My people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt." "But Moses said to God, who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?" "So He said, 'I will certainly be with you.'.." (This story can be found in Exodus).
Even Moses doubted his ability to be used by God, doubted his Father and questioned him, "Who am I that you would use me?", after all he had done. He killed a man, hid the body and fled the scene (so as not to be killed himself). Yet, God still used him to set his people free from bondage. (There are countless other stories in the Bible where God used people that our society would deem as unusable, trash, unworthy and so forth.)
The only perfect person our Father used was Jesus. So why do we think we have to be perfect to be used by Him? What's really holding us back from doing what He told us to do? Could it be like Moses, fear of what man could do to us, especially after something we have done in our past?
"So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [I will not fear or dread or be terrified]. What can man do to me?" (Hebrews 13:6 AMP).
The word says, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control." (2 Timothy 1:7 AMP). So when God calls us to do something, He's already equipped us with the power, love and sound mind to accomplish that work. The word also says, "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6 NASB). So He will not leave us hanging. He will complete that work that He started in us.
If you have doubt and fear rise up, go back to Isaiah 41:10 "'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.' (Isaiah 41:10 NASB). And do like Psalm 121:1-2 says and "Lift up your eyes to the hills" because this is where our help comes from - the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
Spend some time in the word today, some alone time with your Father and find out exactly who you are and what you are capable of. "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear..." (1 John 4:18a). His love will dispel all fear and will equip you to do what He has called you to do.
Papa God,
I repent and ask You to forgive me of my sins, the fear that almost consumed me and made me say no to this assignment You have set before me. I prayed for You to use me and I meant it. I thank You for this opportunity Daddy, and I ask You to take control - give me the words to say and help me not to hesitate to speak them. Thank You for equipping me and steadying me now in Jesus' name. Thank You that You have not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. I choose to walk in that this day. Thank You for using imperfect people Daddy. Thank You for speaking through me, teaching me and loving me. Holy Spirit, I give You permission to use me, to speak through me now and every day.
Love always,
Your Little Girl
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